What will never be on my bucket list….Never say Never?

There are several common items on most people’s bucket list that will be never have a place on my bucket list: A cynical and slightly humorous look at why they will never be.

1) Bungee Jumping: I find no thrill in being hurled at the earth umpteen miles per hour and tricking my brain into thinking it is going to be slammed into the ground below.. I never liked carnival rides that involved that free fall feeling; it makes me sick to my stomach. My body (or brain) is not set up for that. Of course, there is the obvious danger of the bungee cord breaking. Although, I recently saw a show about bungee jumping and research shows that it usually is not the bungee that breaks in most bungee accidents, but it is the platform that the bungee is attached to that breaks….. now I feel so much better… NOT!

Sky Diving: It has a danger similar to that of bungee jumping except that if your parachute doesn’t open you are almost guaranteed instant death whereas with bungee jumping you have a slight chance of living and might only be paralyzed for the rest of your life. I don’t like that free-falling feeling… I find no thrill in it and again… it makes me sick. I will view the beautiful scenery from a plane above thank you! Besides…. have you ever seen film footage of a skydivers face? The skin is flapping in the wind at a rate so fast it looks like the ripple effect of an atomic bomb. No Botox will fix that damage.

Riding the world’s tallest, most vertical water slide: I love water parks probably more than most people. They did not exist when I was a child. The biggest water thrill in my day was the high dive at the YMCA or the slip-n-slide on our lawn. I didn’t care that I had rug burn-like abrasions on my body as long as I got the thrill of the slide. But modern-day water parks have added a whole new element to thrill. A few years ago I suggested that on our vacation we go to a water park for one of our day excursions. I was so excited! With my husband by my side (his first time too) I raced him to the smallest vertical slide I could see. I did not understand why they had a line. Wasn’t it just like on the playground at recess as a kid? Just get on the slide and GO I thought. We were lined up side by side and told to keep our arms and our ankles crossed. So we did. And down the slide we went faster than a speeding bullet. What a thrill…. I screamed like a child. It was fun… until I hit the bottom and water shot up my nostrils and eyelids at lightning speed. Didn’t need to use the Netti-pot this day and I had blurred vision for the rest of the day. I was able to keep my ankles crossed…. barely though. I know I could not tolerate a slide with a higher altitude. I learned my lesson fast. Any higher water pressure and my ankles would have spread apart faster than a prostitute on a field trip to a prison. No thanks… no enema for me today! I spent the rest of my day at the kiddy area of the water park getting laughed at.

Climbing Everest: why would anyone even try this? Some people don’t come back. They have memorials along the trek to remind you. It would take me years of strict exercise and diet to even come close to the physical stamina needed and even then I would fall short. My ego is not that big. I will give the trophy to someone else in a heartbeat. It is cold up there at the top and there isn’t much oxygen; at least that is what I hear. I like oxygen! I will stick to the bunny hill at the local ski resort. They have great hot chocolate at those lodges you know!

I’m sure there are many other things that are on most people’s bucket list that I wouldn’t think of entertaining and I will add them to this list as I remember them. But for now maybe you should consider what is on your list.

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