Friends

I am so jealous. Being a mother I have been witness to the fact of how easily children make friends. Children look at each other and start talking about whatever, toddlers don’t even have to talk, they can just stare at each other and grab a toy and show it to another toddler and boom…. new friend. It seems to be innate in their nature. I do have many memories of making friends quickly throughout my childhood. I had only a few good friends right out of high school but quickly became busy with life. It was hard trying to figure out how to pay for a place to live, pay the bills, and start a career. Before I knew it time was passing by and I had let many opportunities to see these friends go by. It wasn’t a planned thing, it wasn’t even something I was aware of, it just happened. I know it was happening for my friends too, but some of them made more of an effort to stay in touch than I did. I am pretty sure they got tired of being the main person in these relationships to reach out and these relationships began to erode. I was immature socially and also naïve. But as I matured, I really did try to salvage these relationships, but they never were quite the same. In fact, as I got older, so did my friends and they were evolving as adults. They were now more interested in flaunting there achievements in front of me instead of enjoying the moments we had. Even though I had let time go by, I still remember our best times as friends and I was always trying to recapture those wonderful feelings. Heck, to this day, I am up for a sleep over where we can stay up late watching movies and laugh so hard we almost pee ourselves, and confide our inner most secrets to each other. It all seems unattainable now. All of my friends have either moved away, become resentful and petty, or have become stuffy adults that don’t know how to let loose. When I see other strangers or acquaintances bonding with their friends I have to admit, I am a little jealous. I have tried (very hard) as an adult to make new friends, but it seems peoples find it uncomfortable to make new friends or something. Maybe it is my age group (I am 47). When my old friends got spouses and began having children, they tried competing with me (which I played no part of) with their children achievements such as how early their child walked, talked or did algebra. Their child was always the most superior, according to them. Some of them literally would not stop with the antics. I had and continue to want no part of this game. When they told me of these accomplishments, I was always gracious and gave a genuine compliment. I never came back with statements such as ” my kid walked at 9 months.” I really could careless. I know that it doesn’t matter what age your child does something as it as very little merit on the outcome of that child. Usually, where one child is slower, they excel in another area. I understand that we are all unique individuals. I miss my friends. I now only have the memories we shared. I find only short brief visits work for them, every couple of years; nothing too deep for them right now. We have all evolved into adults that no longer mesh well together. Maybe when we are older adult we will come back and be close again. New friends seem hard to make as well, for instance, at work, it seems like the people have no interest, they have their good friends and don’t need anymore I guess. I live in a small community and maybe that has a lot to do with it. I am not perfect, but I am a very friendly, smiley and an honest to goodness, wonderful friend. I can’t impress on the youth of today, to nurture the friendships that you have. Remember, to visit, call, and continue to “bug” your friends, keep after them; even when they fail to (they might catch up some day when they mature).  Whatever you do, don’t let large time periods go by without nourishing these friendships, so you can evolve with your friends. Nourishing includes calling, sending a small note, attending weddings or functions, and visiting. Just keep at it.  Some friends might grow in another direction and that’s o.k. the good friends will keep you. I am speaking from experience and regret. For now, I will continue to struggle on my journey to find and make new friends. I long to be a child again, where friends are easily made on the playground at recess. It’s all a puzzle.

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